erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
