Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
