Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Someone signed my nipple.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
