If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
