I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I touched a dick in church today
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
