Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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