It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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