What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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