I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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