there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There's always time for handjobs
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
