Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
