i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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