Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
