that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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