Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
