Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
