Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I don't deserve a penis
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
