Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
