The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
