i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So much rum. So many feels.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
