Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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