please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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