Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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