I accidentally burped into my bong.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
