it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
