planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
