is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
