My liver just broke up with me...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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