He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
