Someone shit on the floor
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
