Apparently you make a good broom.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
As shirtless as possible
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
