Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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