I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
