Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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