Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
