No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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