When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
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How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
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Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize