So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
