you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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