Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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