I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
