I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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