Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Im part way to drunk.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
