is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
