Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
