You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
