a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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