you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
