My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
