dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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