Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
