so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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