I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
