I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
