Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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