Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
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I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
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also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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