And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
