dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
