i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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