Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
