I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
