I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You are the jesus of drinking
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
