I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
