ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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