It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It's rum buckets o'clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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