We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
