I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
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I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
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Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
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