Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
