I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dicks are not precious.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
