You were right. It hurts to walk today.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
