I am full of burrito and curiosity
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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