When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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