I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I am one with the molecules
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
