If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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