Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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