I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
